Watching someone cry their hearts out and letting themselves fall apart, swallowed by extreme devastating thoughts is heart-wrenching. How can I describe that feeling? I can't. There's just this knot inside you, you understand so so much, but you can't express it. How can you make the person feel better, to rescue them from the destructive thoughts? If only you can make that person feel even a teeny bit better.

One asks, "What's the meaning of life?" Of course there is. see, how wonderful it is being a live, to appreciate things you could not otherwise, to be able to laugh, love, and do things I want to do, how can you say there's no meaning?? -- But why could you not say this, something you believe so firmly in, straight at the face of someone so destroyed, so wrapped up by chilling sadness, self-blame, guilt, devoid of any thread of hope?? You couldn't find an example that would make the person's life seem worth living. You become tongue-tied, your heart feeling like cotton ripped slowly by a razor, like this unimaginable, impossibly ball of sadness, grief.

And then you managed, after what seem to be an eternity, to pick the person up out of that deep canyon of despair, and place him/ her a more cushioned, comforted, stable emotional state. You feel relieved, but only slightly. Suddenly, you feel so affected by what the person's feeling. You can so connect to it, since you know the cause of the grief, but ultimately, what can you do really, but to take care of yourself, ignore what others think of you. Really, what is self-worth? one asks. How do you define it? Who has the right to define it? It's you yourself. To feel empowered, a self-confidence, self-love, and live with a purpose, a knowledge of who you are and what you can achieve, a sense of self-pride. This is what self-worth is. No one else, no one that is, has the right to be the cause of your feeling of self-worth. Why should you feel it comes from being loved by someone? People change, relationships- family, marriage, friendship- change. Without doubt, things will change, whether you like it or not, whether you expect it or not. It's fine to rely on someone, trust someone, but this reliance, trust, love should not be greater than your reliance, trust, confidence in yourself. There is only one single thing, being you can control, that is, your self. So if you maintain your sense of who you are and purpose in life, who else can disrupt this?? Any loss, change, will not cause grief or emotions so devastating. A english teacher once said to us, I remember so clearly- "The earth still rotates, life still goes on, regardless whether you are there or not" same with anyone, someone in whom you place entire trust, love, and belief in, betrays you. If you can shrug and say 'So what, without him/her, life still goes on', that is the ultimate state we should all strive to reach.